Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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