Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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