What did we do last night that was yellow?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
