Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Found your dick twin last night
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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