i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
