four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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