Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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