mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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