You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
