he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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