Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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