Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
