Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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