Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
