Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
