i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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