If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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