I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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