Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
