I am in a vortex of obligation.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
