Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
