There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
