I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My ass is underappreciated
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
