Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
