Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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