I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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