Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
