Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
you never un-have a 4some
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
