she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
