Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize