I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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