I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Is this like a preordered booty call?
not ubering you a puppy
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
