She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
