His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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