Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
