when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Don't make out with my wife yet
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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