tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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