I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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