I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
