I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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