Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
