I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
