just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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