Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
