just survived the first fart of the relationship.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
