He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize