my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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