Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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