Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
