Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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