oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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