is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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