there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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