Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
