She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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