I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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