Umm I'm too high to move.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
