I wanna bring you to show and tell
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
