She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
