She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
