omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
