i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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