If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
