I puked a lego.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
